Understanding Emotions

Think of a time when you had a difficult time controlling your emotions.  During these times, trying to manage how you were feeling and trying to think clearly was very challenging.  People are often surprised by how overwhelming their emotions are when they are faced with a tragedy.

It's important to understand that everyone deals with grief in their own way.  Some people turn inward, refusing to talk about their feelings and the loss.  Many people try to put their grief aside and "get over it". Others lash out, angry that life can be so cruel.  Some look for someone or something to blame. Others share their emotions easily and are willing to talk about how they feel.

The grief process is just that—a process with stages that people go through at their own pace.  It can take months, years, or even a lifetime.  There is no time limit to grieving.  Understanding some of the emotions and feelings that are experienced throughout the grieving process can help you and help others get through it.  Remember that there are a variety of emotions that people can experience at any point in the grieving process.

Shock and Denial
This is often the initial reaction: shock, a feeling of numbness or hollowness, and possibly even denial.  It’s hard to believe the classmate with whom you shared jokes in English class will never be back. Did this just really happen?

Confusion and Fear
How can someone be alive one minute and dead the next?  How and why did this happen, and can it happen to me?

Anger
Anger can be directed toward the student who died—especially if he or she was driving or declared by law enforcement as “responsible” for the death.  Anger can be directed at someone else whom students deem as responsible for the death.

Guilt
Some students will feel that they should have or could have done something to prevent what happened—even if they truly couldn’t have.

Unbalance
Emotions can range from sadness to anger as people begin to understand how life can go on after the tragedy.  This stage can last for several months or even years.

Acceptance
With time and support, people begin to accept the tragedy and find a way to heal. That’s not to say they forget the lost friend or family member.  They simply realize that their lives do go on.